Today has been hectic because I've been checking out a new adult family home for Mom. It's been a difficult decision to move her in her frail condition. As much as I like the people who care for Mom now, they just don't have the qualifications to deal with Mom at her stage in life. The owner of the home has had training but the day to day caretakers have not, and I've been seeing too many little problems that have started adding up.
Guilt can blind one to the obvious. No amount of logic can knock that little devil named Guilt off my shoulder. No child feels totally comfortable leaving a parent in the care of others. And even though I'm not able to take care of Mom, that little devil will whisper, "People have taken care of their own for eons", or "If you really, really wanted to, you could have made her living with you work out". The blinding part comes when I see a loving caretaker feed Mom by hand, change her feces-filled diaper numerous times a day and all the backbreaking, tedious work but excusing wrong doses of powerful painkillers that knock Mom out. The intentions are so good but the training and experience of knowing when a person with dementia is in pain or is just agitated is just not there at her present home. It's not just one instance, but as I said, many problems. And the funny thing is that I of course feel guilty for basically excusing it all. There are no winners in this neurotic game.
My brother Tim, lives far away in Oklahoma but is always there as a sounding board and stands behind my decisions. Tim is 10 years older and I've always been viewed as the slightly daffy sister. Well, I guess I haven't really changed, but our relationship has since Mom's health started failing, and I'm very appreciative to have a big brother I can talk to.
The new adult family home feels perfect for Mom and comes highly recommended. We're lucky because they accept Medicaid and Mom's money will run out soon. That's a whole other blog, though.
This sketch really captures Mom's expression today. I tried to use very little shading and let the line quality do the work and I'm fairly happy with this one. A drawing instructor once told me to look at Picasso's line drawings to see how subtle changes in line width can show contour in a more interesting way than shading. Isn't it funny what sticks with you from the distant past? Teachers: have heart, we do listen and what is needed, sticks.
1 comment:
"a devil named Guilt" is right. Michelle you have said it for all of us. Those who have been there and those who are there with you now in this same situation. Bless your heart. The world addresses many problems but this venture into health care for our aging parents is horrendous and there does not seem to be relief in sight.
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