Recently, an episode of the radio program This American Life told the story of a son who knows of his mother's plan of suicide. She slipped into the grips of dementia and after caring for her own mother who also had dementia, she decided that she did not want to get to that awful point and wanted to commit suicide before that happened. She told her son and asked for his support, though not his active involvement to save him from committing a crime. The son tells of the whole process.
Believe me, I've felt the same way as his mom, I don't want to die that way. But would I be able to take my own life? First of all, once I noticed the signs of dementia, would I even have the ability to do it? It seems so, going by this woman's experience. But could I?
We don't choose the diseases or injuries that befall us, but we figure out how live with them and if lucky, become a better person by learning from the difficulties of coping with them. There are all kinds of inspirational stories out there. I guess I'm an optimist at heart,and I feel like at a core level, I could survive about anything that came my way. I might be miserable and depressed, but I can usually see a flicker of goodness and beauty in almost anything.
I'm struggling to see this with my mother's battle with dementia. I have gained so much by caring for her but I see nothing gained for her. She clearing wants to die and tells me on a regular basis. There are moments of comfort and happiness for her but no ability to savor all the joyful moments in her life. Her cognizant self is but a whisper. What is left is her corporal self and her soul and is cared for in the best, kindest way.
But I'm haunted by her verbal wish to die. Is it the dementia speaking, or a moment of clarity. I, of course, can not make that choice for her. But as dementia takes hold of my brain, and the odds are that it will, will I choose to succumb to this awful disease, that robs one of their humanity? I try not to think of it very often.
Here is the link to the This American Life episode, titled: "How to Rest in Peace".
There are two parts, and a warning: the first act is rather gruesome and tells about a son coming to terms with his mother's murder. Act two is the one I've referred to and it titled: "The Good Son".
This American Life, Episode 342
1 comment:
With all the achievements of the human race, we still cannot invade the mind. We don't know exactly where people go when they reach the end stages of their lives. Sometimes it seems they are in a happy place and sometimes a horrible place. Regardless, is it a place we need to go for any reason? My mother too asked to die, wished verbally to die, did not want us to prolong her life in any way. There has got to be a way to handle these wishes before our loved ones have been stripped of the final shred of personal dignity they carried with such pride. Oh Mimi, you are creating a tremendous blog through your experience.
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